Strong emotions are a big bug bear when you’re in a playful home or are they really? Our aim as parents surely is to train, teach and allow opportunities of growth. We allow ample unstructured playtime to build creativity; structured activities to encourage skills and further learning; outdoor skills to connect with nature and so on. However, since our children come with varied temperaments, there is that potential to clash. This power struggle of who wins and who loses is a big problem in most of our playful homes. Mostly because we rely on previous experiences and default scripts we are often surprised that really come out of our mouths.

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We can all think of a sticking point in our playful experiences at home and wish we had a tool or trick to just fix it, and fix it forever. Tricks don’t last over time. Although they can get you through situations they often start you down a path that leads to more problems. A better solution is to arm yourself with ideas, tools and solutions that you marinate with overtime and gradually introduce into your family.

Remember, you only have to succeed the last time. 
Brian Tracy

What we know to be true with toddlers

There are a few things that everyone with a toddler knows to be true.

• That there will be tantrums
• They will have to make difficult decisions
• They will have to curb and control their impulsive behaviour

All of those things will happen together when you are late for an appointment, in public where you have to make a decision to abandon a cart, step out of a line or leave a crowded room.
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We do our children a disservice if we don’t rise to the occasion to learn how to make those situations better for us both. We need to be more proactive and train them not for us but for them to learn the skills of being part of a social unit.

The fundamental problem is whether our reactions are age appropriate and whether the methods we use are useful.

It’s exciting to see that Amanda Morgan of NotJustCute has a wonderful downloadable book addressing these issues. Her book ; Parenting with Positive Guidance.  She provides tools and not tricks. For those of us looking for intentional ways to positively guide our children it’s one of those books you can dip into and let the ideas sit with you for a while. She also adds lots of illustrations which give us good scripts to help change our way of communicating.This book certainly isn’t a follow steps 1 to 20 and you will have a perfect child. Raising children is hard. Amanda shows us insight, encouragement and ideas for this rollercoaster journey.

Amanda has worked extensively in challenging situations and is a mom She uses these techniques herself and I’ve loved trying them out myself. Her story about relinquishing ownership really helped me with a current struggle playing one parent off the other.

Our own struggle

Last night my older son and I were having a discussion about memory and how just trying to remember something just doesn’t always work out. As our current problem was clearly showing, we talked about doing the same thing and expecting a different result really wasn’t going to work out and we looked back and could see that. We had the range of emotions and finally a resolution. I can’t do that with my three year old. However I can guide him if I know a few more ideas.

When my three year old throws down and does the tantrum thing I want to have more than my gut reaction and shame to be my lead. I want to have practiced ideas, alternative solutions and know that if this doesn’t work I will try something else.

Parenting with Positive Guidance is split up into three sections

1. Building Discipline from the Inside out
2. Inside the toolbox
3. Bring it all together.

With the approach of philosophy,tools and use, this book gives us a good foundation to get going and feel good about teaching and training our children. We give them ample opportunities to ride that bike, use those scissors all under instruction or in a warm and supportive environment. Amanda provides a creative framework for social skills development. You won’t want to lose out on the ideas here to shape your family.

You can click here to visit Amanda Morgan and buy Parenting With Positive Guidance. .

I was delighted to interview Amanda this week. To find out more about Amanda you can listen to her talk about how to teach sharing in Raising Playful Tots.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me your story.

What makes for a positive approach to parenting and what’s just not worked for you?

All the thoughts and ideas in this post are mine. I was provided this book by the author. I  offer an honest review and recommendation. Some links in this article are affiliate links.

Solutions for tackling tricky toddler emotions is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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During the toddler and preschool years the word, “No!” becomes a very powerful word. It derails the happy atmosphere, stops a quick exit on errands, means we scoop our little one off the floor in that shop and march out. They want an input. They want a choice.

As a parent you can allow for extra time for the No! We get all forceful and insistent. Neither of these work well overtime. Even we as parents need to practise what to do when we get that No. It’s hard to play with a child that insists on having things their way or you having it totally your way. Personal, social and emotional development is a crucial aspect of play. We need to be able to get along and well. This is the first of a two-part series.
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Practice when you are calm and have a script

Think about what you will say when they are shouting and yelling at you. Replay times when you saw this or experienced this and work out what you could do differently and try it out.

Getting down to their level; looking them in the eye and smile. The smile is for you to calm down however brief. Watch how other people  de-escalate their children and try it out.

Identify 2-3 activities at home to regularly give choices

Practise choice activities at home. Choose choices that you are happy with either option. Keep them simple. Children have very few choices so  having the red counter or the blue counter when playing the board game may seem trivial to us but they don’t see it that way.

Choices like; clothes, food, activity, play.

• Scrambled eggs or cereal?
• Blue jeans or green trousers with Bob on the side?
• Pretend food or Dolls?

What’s your number one struggle with your under 5?

Preparing a place of choice is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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Ever wonder if the play activities you do and the values you teach really stick with your child?
Ever played with a child and been beaten in a simple game?

It happened this week and really illustrated something to me worth sharing. We need to teach our kids sportsmanship intentionally. It can’t be a happy accident or rob them of the chance by artificially bending the rules, too far for them to miss the opportunity of learning.

What happened?

He was thrilled to have won, not just once but three times at dominoes. I didn’t let him win. It’s how the dominoes played out. ( As anyone knows who’s played dominoes with me; I’m no domino player- just matching!) The joy of his win was right there. I said the right things; Good game and congratulated him on the thrashing he gave me.

He gave me a hug and said. Thanks for playing mum. Then wanted to reassure me that we could play three more games so I could win. We then had an interesting discussion about winning and losing and how we both felt. Being able to bring it up again at dinner to the family helped.

Play – Model- Play- Reinforce- Play

What they need

They need to have practise to articulate their feelings and put their thoughts into words, with us. When we play with them we give that opporrtunity. If we let them win all the time they don’t know what to say or do when they lose elsewhere.

The bigger test will be how he responds now in company and away from home

Do you let them win?

Teaching kids sportsmanship is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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Today we’ve come to the last day of 31 days to a more playful tot. Each day there’s been a chance of thought, growth, action and reflection. While we’re not aiming at making perfect playful children and recognise that we have to do, fail and learn ourselves; I hope we’ve all found some new things to try.

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I’ve always been in awe of beautiful play spaces. However as a military family it has never been practical to create these amazing areas. Also, I feel that most of the world has much smaller spaces to deal with with children. There isn’t always the luxury of a playroom just a play corner. Most people have rooms with multiple functions so need a way to conceal yet have access to both things.

This slideshow does just that…..

Here’s a chance to think about your small area; one chunk at a time. Transform the playspace you have.
Thanks for sharing in the journey of 31 days to a more playful tot.

Enjoy the slideshow.

1. Eco friendly playroom
2. Hand print calendar 
3. A Quiet Place: DIY A-Frame Tent
4. Display 
5. Use garden hanging baskets
6. Creating-waldorf-indoor-playspaces
7. Play stands
8. Displaying board games
9. Photograph art then toss
10. Create A Large Scale Art Center
11. Storage and display
12.  Chilling out areas
13. A magnetic, chalkboard, dry erase,with sliding ladder WALL!
14. Fun pebble cushions 

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Thirty One} Creating a playspace is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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Ever been derailed by an outburst or tantrum?

Our instinct is to rise above it. Sometimes you need to but not always.

We do need a strategy for when a tantrum strikes. A strategy presumes then that you’ve tried many different ways and you have something now that works for you and your family. What works for one doesn’t always work for another. Even the same thing doesn’t always work for siblings or the same child all the time. Don’t let that stop you from finding something that works. Having a bunch of different ideas about how to work through this outburst is super helpful- as not all outbursts are created equal.

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When a tantrum or outburst starts I feel that time has stopped.  If I don’t do that then in my haste to get it over with leads to bad decision making, hopefully you’re better than me at that. What I do next will shape how long and loud this outburst may last?

Change my voice. Modify my tone. Take a deep breath. Check my surroundings not for watching eyes but for safety ( Is it only my child that throws down in the worst places?)

Lean in and get a little softer.

“Use words”

“What is it you want?”

There are all sorts of other things I do afterwards and during that time but these words have helped us the most. I don’t always understand what they are saying but the act of saying those words over time has lead them to slow down and tell us. They point. They lead. They stare. Sometimes you get nothing but the raw emotion and a hug is all that will help. Our calmness and body language models for them.

…..Playtime with your little one who always throws tantrums or outbursts is not fun for them or you. It’s hard to even want to be around your child when they act like this. Stepping back after an event and seeing if there’s anything that can be done to prevent that type of outburst again is a step in the right direction to more playful times.

More reading: Helping children cope with anger

If tantrums and outbursts are a problem for you- seek professional advice.
Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to a more Playful Tot.

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Twenty two} 7 words that help shorten an outburst is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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We all want our children to be social and truth be told, we probably feel we do a lot already to keep them social. Today I wanted to look at a bit more critically at what we do and if there’s room for improvement; refocus and a little patting on the back.

Let’s look at some positive things we can do in 2012 to get our children ready for play in the 21st Century world.Look at the questions below and take a quick survey of your family.

who do they mix with?

Is there a diversity of race?

Do you mix with homeschoolers?

Have you met with unschoolers?

How would they ( and you) react to playing with children from a diverse class background? ( Often we don’t know until we try!)

Do they meet with meaningful adults like family or close friends regularly?

Are their opportunities for a group of same-sex children to meet together and play collaboratively? ( side by side or totally independently?)

Especially if you have same-sex children, do they mix on playdates and group settings with children of the opposite sex?

what do they see?

Can they learn tolerance and perseverance from older children?

Can they focus on restraint, patience and empathy with younger children?

Will they ever get to experience the fun of playing with twins?

Do they see children with disabilities and have opportunities to see them play and experience play with them?

Would they be able to identify a group of children as their best buddies?

Can you be sure at how they might react in unfamiliar settings with unfamiliar children? ( Have you tested it recently?)

Will our children have access to adults in various work situations earning various pay?

How do we share with our children how different children play around the world? and show them that what we do here probably isn’t what  they do elsewhere. That’s not necessarily a bad thing or good thing but it’s something they should start appreciating in our global world.

how do you offer opportunities?

Not sure where to go try directories from parent forums and websites

Notice church groups as you drive around

Noticeboards and Craigslist

Word of mouth opportunities ask at libraries, Youth clubs, Education buildings, Doctors office
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Ask on your social networks.

Things to watch….

Are we doing too much?

One on one play with our child ( Too much of anything isn’t good. Not enough isn’t good either. Letting them experience your presence and other people’s presence is essential for you both)

Socializing via shopping with them in their buggy (We need to go shopping. It’s not usually a good outlet for socialization, for them. We have to call it what it is shopping)

Food and play areas associating play with fast food ( It’s not whether it’s acceptable just if it’s the default or primary place for socialization. We all need variety!)

Consistently avoiding all playgroups due to a bad experience ( Not minimizing your experience. There are likely to be other playgroups. Try another one this week)

Worry that your child will grab, push,punch, kick another child or that these things will happen to them ( There’s lots of advice about solutions to these problems. Avoidance is only one way to deal with it. There are many others)

Fancy some more reading?

Socialization of homeschool children debated on Simple Homeschool Facebook page

Gender-Role Development – The Development of Sex and Gender

The Myth of Socialization

Playing is Socializing

Scientific American: The Serious Need for Play

How much do you socialize your old year old?

Now you’ve identified an area….what are your first steps in getting your toddler 21 Century socialized?

Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to a more Playful Tot.

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Fifteen} Let’s get social is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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It is never too late to accept our children and our lives as this is the way it is for right now; this season; this time.

It’s never too late to reject this feeling; the bad behaviour; the blahs and get help.

New habits take time to remain and old habits entice us with the warm and fuzzy slipper effect. We can change.

If we’re not happy with the way things are in our playtime or their playtime before we reject it find a good exit strategy.

No one likes cold turkey. No one wins or feels better for it.

For us to embrace and accept we need to feel like this is fun, good, worth it and there’s room to fail.

Failure will come. It’s not the end. Hugs, encouragement, lick our wounds and move back on. Success comes to those who fail.

Accept and reject ideals (without regret and with confidence.)We can’t put it off any longer playtime is important.

How are we modeling accepting and rejecting with our children?

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Looking for inspiration

• A homemaking journey:  new habits
• 5 minutes for mom :Encouragement in Parenting for the New Year
• Tipnut: 10 Tips For Mastering A Messy Home

Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to a more Playful Tot.

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Thirteen} Accept and reject is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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Comparisons hurt, harm and are useful.

If I asked you what type of parenting style do you support with play. What would you say?

It wasn’t until I was in a different country in a totally diferent situation did I realise that I my idea of play was different. It was then I wondered am I doing it right?

We don’t all move. We often have the same friends and same circles.

Is there a right way to play? If there is, who do I listen to? What about my family and individualism?

Knowing your own mind takes time to develop. We come with all the baggage of our childhood and family relationships. Now we have a playful tot to raise and lots of decisions to make on important issues like TV time, electronic media, mobile media, organic toys, wooden toys, plastic toys, Montessori, Waldorf, classes, playgroups, the list goes on. Our mind isn’t just made up on all issues- just like that.

How do you develop your mind so you don’t just follow the crowd?

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Knowing your mind in 25 steps

1. Look at your children and learn how they work.
2. Go to trusted sources. You have to decide who they are.
3. Accept advice as just that advice- what worked for them may or maynot work for you.
4. Try new things
5. Share your ideas. Other people see things you may not see.
6. Have encouraging and supportive friends
7. Your children will make you cry and despair but they have the capacity to make you laugh and weep with joy if we create opportunities for that to happen more than once in a while.
8. Accept and reject things as the season changes in your family
9. Create plans.
10. Educate yourself in the areas you lack
11. Beware of bandwagons
12. Ask questions…..ruminate on ideas….feel free to adapt, transform or drop ideas….after careful thought.
13. Find and talk to people who have been there before you. It’s amazing how much perspective they will give you.
14. observe families who you admire. Try out what they are doing.
15. Sometimes you need to take a break and focus on other things like your marriage, home, work, career, goals, dreams or ambitions. Not just your kids will thank you for it.
16. Parenting is not a competition. Some are further along than I am. I’ll be further along than someone else.
17. Everyone has problems. No one is perfect
18. Discuss your ideas, opinions and direction with your spouse, friends and family- they know you and will often give you interesting advice ( some good and some not so good)
19. It’s okay to be different. Different isn’t automatically bad or good.
20. Have thought provoking twitter and facebook friends. They will challenge you in good ways.
21. Grow
22. Remember that sticking your head in the sand doesn’t work there has to be another way.
23. Encourage people who try things out- they are actively working on knowing their mind ( You can learn from their successes and failures)
24. Compare yourself less to those around you. Some comparison is good but be careful
25. We don’t need to know all the answers and get it right the first time. We can let many things just go and roll with it,however we have to decide which ones we do intentionally.

I’m working on No.21 this year. What about you I’m curious?

What are you doing to ‘know your mind’ on issues in 2012?

Are there any areas you find the hardest to do?

Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to a more Playful Tot.

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Eleven} Know Your Mind is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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