React and get rid of all commercial pretend play dressing up clothes
I don’t think this would teach them anything but to covet and long for these items even more. Limit the amount of play with commercial dressing up clothes from licensed products
This I now do more intentionally. Those items just disappear from their boxes for a time and the drs, vets, jesters,firemen, king costumes etc that are now lurking at the bottom get an air out and play. Yes they do ask me where their other costumes have gone with worried faces. They are old enough and used to rotation of toys that they understand that they will be back. They do come back. Introduce pretend play ideas
It is never too late, in my opinion to introduce fun and new ways to play. You can turn a child’s fascination and joy into another direction by showing them new ways. Now they may not want to do or continue to do what you suggest but the willingness of you to suggest and play with them usually is enough for them to give it a try out.
You have to get into it and really go with your best acting skills. Your child knows you so knows when you’re being half-hearted, as we know with them. Bluff and enthusiasm covers so much doubt and our feelings of inadequacy as parents. They don’t care that your voice is off key or that your costume is lame or your story making needs more structure…………we cripple ourselves with that worry. They love the interaction.
Here’s what I am going to try
Note 3 books that they love in the next week that are not to do with a superhero, which shouldn’t be too difficult given that less than 3% of our books are like that.
Think about the characters in those stories
Think about what I have around the house that I could use for the characters. With these 3 rules. Everyday items, keep it simple and easy to reproduce again.
When we/they read those books I’ll introduce my character with a new voice. Perhaps I’ll continue the story or go before the story.
Now since it’s not a mum show I’ll ask lots of questions to get them into the story. “What will happen to him next?” Where should he go? How should she do that? show me where the secret house is located? Tell me what happens next…… gradually easing out of the story and letting them continue.
Now they have a framework of a story and how to get there from a common storybook to pretend playing in costume and role. It’s not my story and neither will I say, that’s not how it goes.
Other things to encourage a range of role playing pretend play ideas I wish I had done at the beginning
Added sheets, pillow cases and lengths of material to their boxes. Shown them how the green duvet is grass today and magic carpet tomorrow.
Bought some ends of materials with various textures or visited the charity shops for sheets, curtains, ropes.
Visit the charity shops and allowed them to browse with story telling in mind. That funny shaped cup could have held a secret. Bought unusual things to add to their box.
Encouraged any of the places we visited like the Parent coop and preschool to encourage dressing up as characters from stories. The only dress ups actively encouraged was Halloween. Kids did come all the time dressed up in wellies or other costumes but there wasn’t a special day like World book day or a specific broad theme, like the nativity that you couldn’t sneak a superhero costume in. Although I’m sure there were a few princess costumes doubling as angel costumes.
I do worry about their story telling abilities if they are left to play superheroes and princesses all the time.
As parents and carers we need to be active encouraging a range of play opportunities. I’m looking for ideas. How would you and how do you deal with the Superhero/Princess invasion into their pretend play.
We were lucky enough to be visiting extended family in the UK when we bought our first dressing up costume fully made.
Before then we just pretended.
Seeing such obvious pleasure we started receiving dressing up clothes for birthdays and Christmas with the same zeal. And so their dressing up chests began.
But what if we had started with the basic pieces, I wonder would we be in the same situation now?
Let me backtrack a little.
Living in a play void
It’s not an excuse I felt I lived in a play void. At the time I didn’t have influencers as I do now or people who would hold me accountable for this or that style of play.
I was new to the area and didn’t have the connections to ‘my people’ you know the ones you always find that are just like you in a new area. We were all trying our best and flitting from one thing to another.
We take for granted what we have around us like good friends and influences but I missed having a book section to browse. We had a great library but without books already there how do you know which books to browse if you don’t know the section or the section is empty. So like countless mothers and women before me and since, I do the best I can with what I have, my memories and thoughts.
Way to encourage pretend play
Not having much else to do . We instead read books a lot because they weren’t in short supply.
We liked to do voices and act out sections by saying, ” show me how the elephant was moving through the jungle?”
We used everyday items as we saw them to be something. We would often hear and still hear in our house. “Hey look at this, guess what I am?/this is?” as we would have a long sleeve not yet on dangling from our nose, stooped back ( elephant)
So we liked to fool around and pretend play.
We didn’t however get into grabbing everyday clothes from our wardrobes.
The kids did when they were at the grandparents house because they have amazing wardrobes that go back decades and you can find some really interesting things hidden in there. ( I still remember the platform shoes from my childhood. I used to wear. Still around for my boys)
What changed?
We jumped from the imaginary play that used pure imagination to costumes pretty quickly and here is where I think we missed the foundations.
We were good at using toys to fuel our imagination and books. We played restaurants and car wash but not really characters or people. So when the costumes arrived this void was filled with superheroes in our case.
Is this type of pretend play bad?
Clearly they love their superheroes but their play stagnates. The superhero always wins out and saves some helpless person. While I let my sons play this, I don’t think I would be able to stop them frankly or want to, I do think this is what they crave but I do draw the line at how often they play.
Even with the countless books we have read together and now have around them this fixed pretend play isn’t pretend play at all but rehashes of programs they have watched. In a household were TV is limited I still note how pervasive TV and marketing has taken hold in our household.
The question is what to do next? What do you do to keep your play real? Do you actively influence the pretend play in your home? Is too much play really a bad thing?
With three boys roughly equally spaced I often get the impression that I’ve been here done this before. Not just with clothes, which is inevitable. But with behaviours and play activities.
The first time my oldest threw himself on the floor and let us know how he felt I was stunned, embarrassed and lost. Fast forward the middle one, we could smile and had a few options up our sleeve and now the youngest tried for a week then gave up ( Well right now he’d rather climb than tantrum). We still get thrown a loop don’t get me wrong. Each child is unique and brings a little something the other one didn’t so there is still the challenge but I feel my confidence has grown with each child.
I think play activities can catch you like this too.
We can get a bit like a deer in the headlights. So many options and that crippling tiredness.
Apart from the obvious reach fors. Here are some activities we’ve loved over the years.
5 ways to overcome the play activity blues
If it’s not working, it’s not working try something else
You child may not be ready for crafts, playing by themselves, not creating a mess, always dumpsthe Legos, sit for anything like you expected. Not everyday needs to be a fight. Try something else and come back. Development may happen in steps. I see my children skip steps and fall down the steps all the time. Keep heading toward the goal but don’t get discouraged along the way. My child won’t do craft activities- what now? Childhood games
Repeat. If it worked before it is likely to work again
We all have those moments when the play activity goes well for them, you and the universe. Then we forget what we did or what happened exactly and it’s like a moment of loss. Keep a record of successful activities so when we have, “one of those days” we can try something we know worked well before. That’s not to say it will work well again but we know it did….once.
Getting stuck in a rut is easy. We love routines. Buy the same cereal and coffee. Unless something jumps out at us like a Sale or Advert we’re pretty much creatures of habit. All good except sometimes even we get bored. Trying something new requires more work but the rewards are usually right behind.
If you love reading but 2 hours of reading to your little one is getting old even though you had decided it was what you wanted to do. Try using an Audio story. Love reading yourself but too tired to read at night try a non fiction audio book or parenting podcast.
Change the way you think about play activities. They maybe learning experiences but they need to be fun. Remind yourself of what learning is happening when the button won’t stick with the glue stick ( problem solving). Is our reaction to go and get the white glue or rescue the child? Once you’re retrieved the thrown button and everyone is calmer. What happens next? That lovely activity cut lovingly from the magazine is now a big old mess of high emotions and high expectations but the opportunity to grow socially and emotionally should not be forgotten. Could you change the activity to a science one of investigation, think on your feet? An essential adult skill is the ability to work through problems logically, the knowledge to know when to walk away from situations that are frustrating or dangerous and knowing how to check our feelings. Tell our boss they are a dumb idiot maybe what we want to say, at times but we learn that doesn’t keep us our job and saying something else would have got the same point across.
I guess I’m saying that many times it will be the things you learn as you go along over the end product especially in the Early years. We can help our little guys and appreciate without belittling their efforts.
Yesterday you saw a photo of the LO wearing my shoes.
It’s a new habit. He finds them and wears them around the house.
Toddlers love to observe and then copy. When it is wearing your slippers or trying on your boots you can smile as they thump around the house it is cute but we’ve all been in situations when they do something you know it’s because we do it and they are just imitating us….not so cute and very humbling for us.
The new joy has given endless new play experiences. Getting the shoes on and off, throwing them, wearing odd pairs, moving with huge shoes on little feet. I see the concentration as he tries to get his foot inside and move with the shoe on. Tries to run and fall and feels the limitations of his new shoes. I see his focus as he scans the room looking for the other shoe ( any shoe) As we get ready to get out the door he tries to find his shoes or our shoes.
He is experimenting.
He’s playing!
For the rest of the family it is one huge headache finding our shoes and slippers especially if you are in a hurry. BUT we have to remind ourselves that he’s just playing not trying to slow us down. ( Note to big brothers)
OK I know I could just lock all the shoes away and then voila the problem would go away…………but think about all the experiences he would be missing. This is what everyday play is all about. Finding everyday moments to experience life through play.
……..( I must admit. Some days the shoes do get locked away) What do you encourage even though it can be hard on the rest of the family?
Thank you for reading my Tell me Thursday story. Please find the others at Tell me Thursday.
Stick around there’s plenty more to read.
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