Giving choices isn’t always the first thing we do when a child is non compliant. We usually take away choices. There’s then a terrible power struggle where one of us will have to win at all costs.

In the last post I shared some tips about cultivating a home where choice was expected and standard. It takes time and a change of mindset. Today I continue looking at tools and methods to encourage our search for a calmer more playful home.

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Read a book about giving choice with your child

“Shubert, a lightning bug discovers the power of choices to help him stay focused while getting ready for school.”  Shubert’s choice

With really clear illustrations and pictures to keep them engaged this story illustrates the process of choices. It’s a good fit for the under 5s as the choices start at home and extend upto school; two of the places they are in the most. At the end of the book is a step by step plan to illustrate why it’s better to use the 7 step process. Dr Becky Bailey does a really good job of illustrating this and other aspects of parenting in an easy to understand way.

Try out a new method when the first doesn’t succeed for this child

Children are notoriously  tricky. What worked for one child doesn’t always work for their sibling. Don’t be discouraged but find another way. Some things are age and stage related . Our expectations to high or too low. It’s better to have a few ways to deal with a situation. You can just whip out another idea and another.

Show them ways to react when they don’t like the choice

Not when they are in the situation but dinner time or sitting together on the couch reading. Go back over situation and experiences. Talk about what you could have done better and offer suggestions. Even for the younger children this type of reflective and modeling behaviour gives them a chance to link past events with future reactions.

While it would be lovely to have choices in all that we do with our children. We know that in life there isn’t always a choice and we need to share this with our children too. But that’s for another time.

 How are you managing with choices?

The Power of choices is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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During the toddler and preschool years the word, “No!” becomes a very powerful word. It derails the happy atmosphere, stops a quick exit on errands, means we scoop our little one off the floor in that shop and march out. They want an input. They want a choice.

As a parent you can allow for extra time for the No! We get all forceful and insistent. Neither of these work well overtime. Even we as parents need to practise what to do when we get that No. It’s hard to play with a child that insists on having things their way or you having it totally your way. Personal, social and emotional development is a crucial aspect of play. We need to be able to get along and well. This is the first of a two-part series.
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Practice when you are calm and have a script

Think about what you will say when they are shouting and yelling at you. Replay times when you saw this or experienced this and work out what you could do differently and try it out.

Getting down to their level; looking them in the eye and smile. The smile is for you to calm down however brief. Watch how other people  de-escalate their children and try it out.

Identify 2-3 activities at home to regularly give choices

Practise choice activities at home. Choose choices that you are happy with either option. Keep them simple. Children have very few choices so  having the red counter or the blue counter when playing the board game may seem trivial to us but they don’t see it that way.

Choices like; clothes, food, activity, play.

• Scrambled eggs or cereal?
• Blue jeans or green trousers with Bob on the side?
• Pretend food or Dolls?

What’s your number one struggle with your under 5?

Preparing a place of choice is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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Ever wonder if the play activities you do and the values you teach really stick with your child?
Ever played with a child and been beaten in a simple game?

It happened this week and really illustrated something to me worth sharing. We need to teach our kids sportsmanship intentionally. It can’t be a happy accident or rob them of the chance by artificially bending the rules, too far for them to miss the opportunity of learning.

What happened?

He was thrilled to have won, not just once but three times at dominoes. I didn’t let him win. It’s how the dominoes played out. ( As anyone knows who’s played dominoes with me; I’m no domino player- just matching!) The joy of his win was right there. I said the right things; Good game and congratulated him on the thrashing he gave me.

He gave me a hug and said. Thanks for playing mum. Then wanted to reassure me that we could play three more games so I could win. We then had an interesting discussion about winning and losing and how we both felt. Being able to bring it up again at dinner to the family helped.

Play – Model- Play- Reinforce- Play

What they need

They need to have practise to articulate their feelings and put their thoughts into words, with us. When we play with them we give that opporrtunity. If we let them win all the time they don’t know what to say or do when they lose elsewhere.

The bigger test will be how he responds now in company and away from home

Do you let them win?

Teaching kids sportsmanship is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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Today we’ve come to the last day of 31 days to a more playful tot. Each day there’s been a chance of thought, growth, action and reflection. While we’re not aiming at making perfect playful children and recognise that we have to do, fail and learn ourselves; I hope we’ve all found some new things to try.

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I’ve always been in awe of beautiful play spaces. However as a military family it has never been practical to create these amazing areas. Also, I feel that most of the world has much smaller spaces to deal with with children. There isn’t always the luxury of a playroom just a play corner. Most people have rooms with multiple functions so need a way to conceal yet have access to both things.

This slideshow does just that…..

Here’s a chance to think about your small area; one chunk at a time. Transform the playspace you have.
Thanks for sharing in the journey of 31 days to a more playful tot.

Enjoy the slideshow.

1. Eco friendly playroom
2. Hand print calendar 
3. A Quiet Place: DIY A-Frame Tent
4. Display 
5. Use garden hanging baskets
6. Creating-waldorf-indoor-playspaces
7. Play stands
8. Displaying board games
9. Photograph art then toss
10. Create A Large Scale Art Center
11. Storage and display
12.  Chilling out areas
13. A magnetic, chalkboard, dry erase,with sliding ladder WALL!
14. Fun pebble cushions 

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Thirty One} Creating a playspace is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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There is something to be said for children being bored. The problem though is can you direct them or inspire them to engage in longer periods of unstructured play?

It almost seems wrong in many eyes to set up an environment for unstructured play. But for most of us we have our default go to activities, actions and behaviours. It’s all to easy to have high expectations and nothing to fill the gaps. It’s why when we see screen free week or world read aloud day that we love the concept but when that special day or week is here we find it hard to actually do what we wanted. Bit like, don’t think of a pink elephant! It’s hard not too.

Unstructured play, downtime and unplugged play, certainly at the beginning for most of us needs to be planned, discussed and modelled.

Planned

Set aside some time to decide what unstructured play will look for you in your home. How far will you go? Will they be playing independently from you while you read a magazine or will they be creating complex tracks and imaginary stories?

Time

Set realistic time blocks. Start small with age appropriate time blocks. The chance of us to spend a whole afternoon doing what we want is appealing but to a young child it may feel like too much. Depending on your child’s temperament and how often an afternoon of unstructured play may be in your future but it’s not always there at the beginning.

Boundaries

What can they do during this unstructured time? Are resources accessible? Imagination games with restaurants, stuffed animals, train sets and dressing up clothes can take over the whole house. Little planning lets you see where this type of play is best and when.  Can they play with markers, glitter, playdough?

Listen and observe

Before jumping in to their worlds, watch and join in without taking over. It’s possible to build on their stories or activities by asking open-ended questions.

• Tell me about that part of your picture….
• You’ve used a lot of orange there. What’s that part about?

 Talk about unstructured play activities

Start a bucket list or I’m bored jar with older children. It’s amazing what you can think up together when you look at games and activities they can do by themselves or with a sibling. The list gives a neutral point of reference for you and them when you are thinking of hands free activities

Flexible structure

To get the most out of unstructured play we’ve dipped in and out with each other. Concentrated 10-15 minutes of activities before either of us checks in with each other. Sometimes they are around the home involved and sometimes they are alone but in the same room.

There isn’t a one size fits all for unstructured play, either inside or outside.  The way we’ve tried this has changed as the ages and stages change and when new children arrive.

 What are your 3 go to unstructured activities your children seem to love?

Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to a more Playful Tot.

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Thirty} Keep unstructured play flexible is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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When you say yes to something you say no to something else.

The power of that statement impacts so many parts of our lives but when we look at our children’s play lives we can quickly see how  saying yes to too many things will have a negative impact.  The power of this statement is in the choice. The choices we make for our children. The choices we make for ourselves and our family.

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It’s a constant struggle or looking for opportunities for everyday playful experiences. It’s looking at where you are and where you want to be and plotting, planning and learning your way into that place.

When you read that statement what came to mind in your home? What do you say yes to regularly and realise that you are now saying no to something else?
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How are you raising a playful tot?

Listen to 7 tips to raising a playful tot.

Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to a more Playful Tot.

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Twenty Nine} Saying yes is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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Yesterday in {Day Twenty Seven} I shared my first books to read to discover play. Today I finish off this list with a brief review.

Out of sync child has fun  

This book and the other books by the author are well thumbed in our home. For what seemed like a long time we were looking at Sensory processing disorder and we were recommended this book. I enjoyed the clear explanations and the practical activities. My boys thrived on these activities when product and sit down work wasn’t working. The range of activities based around the senses really helped support our simple ideas. The games are totally fun whether they are sensory seeking or not.

How children learn

A core text from University that took on new meaning when I had my second son. Lots of nod the head moments but the revision is well worth it. Now with two children this was really important for me to see how they were both learning at different rates. Yes everything I knew but this sleep deprived mum needed to read it again and be reassured and try newer methods

How children learn

Once I hit the preschool age with my first I began to notice all the different types of school. Even having heard of many before I really was curious to the principles and underlying methods of learning.  With 28 different learning styles there was a handy place to look up brief ideas. This handy book helped me see how it’s often elements of different learning will help my child and not a dogged observance of one only. There are familiar people mentioned in play and this book talks about each of them.

Play = Learning: How Play Motivates and Enhances Children’s Cognitive and Social-Emotional Growth

All so often we just know that something is right. this book is a classic textbook with illustrations, research and analysis. Again not a  read from cover to cover but certainly a fascinating read. I was excited to interview Dr Golinkoff and Dr Hirsh Pasek on the play podcast where they were able to take their research findings packed in this and other books to us all.

Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn–and Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less

My all time favourite book buy for new parents. full of practical information. Another dip in and out book if you choose but easily a book to read from cover to cover. Lots of useful information that’s not just rehashes from things you already know. Really gives you pause for thought and challenge your play ideas. I’ve written about this book also here 

What book have you read that have really influenced your play habits?
Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to a more Playful Tot.

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Twenty Eight} Books to read to discover play 2 is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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We’re often locked in a way of play and playful thinking that’s based on our experience. More often than not that gives us some ideas but things change as our learning about play and young children increases. We also find we have children that behave differently and wish to tackle play in a different way than before.Wherever we are along this journey of play there are so many inspiring books to learn ideas and feel inspiration.

Today I’d like to share some of the favourites from my bookshelf.

Baby minds

This was probably one of the first books I saw that I loved the problem solving ideas for babies and young toddlers. it’s written by psychologists and child development experts. It wasn’t about do this and you’ll get amazing children but research based analysis and it really didn’t encourage the buying of stuff. It really fit with my newly developing ideas of how we wanted to raise our children. With ideas and tips for parents along with stories and evidence, this wasn’t a prescriptive approach. Plus it was easy to understand and use immediately.

Your child at play  

one-two years-Exploring, learning, making friends and pretending. I loved the reminders about how to integrate my work and my developing baby into the everyday routines. With down to earth ideas and lots of photographs I really had a strong feel from this book of how I could easily use everyday things around me in playful ways.

What’s going on in there?  

Much more a scientific book with explanations. I remember not a planning on reading this cover to cover but dipping in and out as needed. I enjoyed Chapter 14 Language and the developing brain  and Nature, nurture and sex differences in intellectual development. The depth of knowledge is good for those tat want to dip further than the surface.

For more books see  { Day Twenty Eight }

What books have been the foundation of your play learning?

Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to a more Playful Tot.

31 days to a more Playful Tot {Day Twenty seven} Books to read to discover play is a post from: Play-Activities.com
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