React and get rid of all commercial pretend play dressing up clothes
I don’t think this would teach them anything but to covet and long for these items even more. Limit the amount of play with commercial dressing up clothes from licensed products
This I now do more intentionally. Those items just disappear from their boxes for a time and the drs, vets, jesters,firemen, king costumes etc that are now lurking at the bottom get an air out and play. Yes they do ask me where their other costumes have gone with worried faces. They are old enough and used to rotation of toys that they understand that they will be back. They do come back. Introduce pretend play ideas
It is never too late, in my opinion to introduce fun and new ways to play. You can turn a child’s fascination and joy into another direction by showing them new ways. Now they may not want to do or continue to do what you suggest but the willingness of you to suggest and play with them usually is enough for them to give it a try out.
You have to get into it and really go with your best acting skills. Your child knows you so knows when you’re being half-hearted, as we know with them. Bluff and enthusiasm covers so much doubt and our feelings of inadequacy as parents. They don’t care that your voice is off key or that your costume is lame or your story making needs more structure…………we cripple ourselves with that worry. They love the interaction.
Here’s what I am going to try
Note 3 books that they love in the next week that are not to do with a superhero, which shouldn’t be too difficult given that less than 3% of our books are like that.
Think about the characters in those stories
Think about what I have around the house that I could use for the characters. With these 3 rules. Everyday items, keep it simple and easy to reproduce again.
When we/they read those books I’ll introduce my character with a new voice. Perhaps I’ll continue the story or go before the story.
Now since it’s not a mum show I’ll ask lots of questions to get them into the story. “What will happen to him next?” Where should he go? How should she do that? show me where the secret house is located? Tell me what happens next…… gradually easing out of the story and letting them continue.
Now they have a framework of a story and how to get there from a common storybook to pretend playing in costume and role. It’s not my story and neither will I say, that’s not how it goes.
Other things to encourage a range of role playing pretend play ideas I wish I had done at the beginning
Added sheets, pillow cases and lengths of material to their boxes. Shown them how the green duvet is grass today and magic carpet tomorrow.
Bought some ends of materials with various textures or visited the charity shops for sheets, curtains, ropes.
Visit the charity shops and allowed them to browse with story telling in mind. That funny shaped cup could have held a secret. Bought unusual things to add to their box.
Encouraged any of the places we visited like the Parent coop and preschool to encourage dressing up as characters from stories. The only dress ups actively encouraged was Halloween. Kids did come all the time dressed up in wellies or other costumes but there wasn’t a special day like World book day or a specific broad theme, like the nativity that you couldn’t sneak a superhero costume in. Although I’m sure there were a few princess costumes doubling as angel costumes.
I do worry about their story telling abilities if they are left to play superheroes and princesses all the time.
As parents and carers we need to be active encouraging a range of play opportunities. I’m looking for ideas. How would you and how do you deal with the Superhero/Princess invasion into their pretend play.
We were lucky enough to be visiting extended family in the UK when we bought our first dressing up costume fully made.
Before then we just pretended.
Seeing such obvious pleasure we started receiving dressing up clothes for birthdays and Christmas with the same zeal. And so their dressing up chests began.
But what if we had started with the basic pieces, I wonder would we be in the same situation now?
Let me backtrack a little.
Living in a play void
It’s not an excuse I felt I lived in a play void. At the time I didn’t have influencers as I do now or people who would hold me accountable for this or that style of play.
I was new to the area and didn’t have the connections to ‘my people’ you know the ones you always find that are just like you in a new area. We were all trying our best and flitting from one thing to another.
We take for granted what we have around us like good friends and influences but I missed having a book section to browse. We had a great library but without books already there how do you know which books to browse if you don’t know the section or the section is empty. So like countless mothers and women before me and since, I do the best I can with what I have, my memories and thoughts.
Way to encourage pretend play
Not having much else to do . We instead read books a lot because they weren’t in short supply.
We liked to do voices and act out sections by saying, ” show me how the elephant was moving through the jungle?”
We used everyday items as we saw them to be something. We would often hear and still hear in our house. “Hey look at this, guess what I am?/this is?” as we would have a long sleeve not yet on dangling from our nose, stooped back ( elephant)
So we liked to fool around and pretend play.
We didn’t however get into grabbing everyday clothes from our wardrobes.
The kids did when they were at the grandparents house because they have amazing wardrobes that go back decades and you can find some really interesting things hidden in there. ( I still remember the platform shoes from my childhood. I used to wear. Still around for my boys)
What changed?
We jumped from the imaginary play that used pure imagination to costumes pretty quickly and here is where I think we missed the foundations.
We were good at using toys to fuel our imagination and books. We played restaurants and car wash but not really characters or people. So when the costumes arrived this void was filled with superheroes in our case.
Is this type of pretend play bad?
Clearly they love their superheroes but their play stagnates. The superhero always wins out and saves some helpless person. While I let my sons play this, I don’t think I would be able to stop them frankly or want to, I do think this is what they crave but I do draw the line at how often they play.
Even with the countless books we have read together and now have around them this fixed pretend play isn’t pretend play at all but rehashes of programs they have watched. In a household were TV is limited I still note how pervasive TV and marketing has taken hold in our household.
The question is what to do next? What do you do to keep your play real? Do you actively influence the pretend play in your home? Is too much play really a bad thing?
Mothers get a bad reputation in parenting, life, behaviour. I think you name it , it is probably our fault somewhere down the line. There is the constant competition and feeling like we are being judged. After a time you get your own groove, find friends like you and realise that you can only do your best. Work and family life, inside or outside the home is what you make of it. There will always be people who do different things.
Play is no different.
Have you listened to moms at the school gate and felt you didn’t measure up? They were doing things and talking about things you wished happened in your family? What did you do next about it? Brood on their words and become bitter, reflect on their ideas and extract the essence that would work for your family. How we react and what we do makes us important.
So it follows what we don’t do and don’t react to will have a significant bearing on our families.
Early childhood is a crucial time to develop good habits for our children. It is also the craziest time with more children added, probably the tightest time financially and women everywhere trying to decide work in the home or work out the home, with many not having any choices.
It’s a tough time emotionally adjusting to children, making new friends and being in this new situation. Who you have around you is crucial to your own wellbeing as well as your child.
Dr Kirstine Hansen of the Centre for Longitudinal Studies at London’s Institute of Education, research director of the Millennium Cohort Study, analysed the Foundation Stage Profile results of 10,600 children, born in 2000 and 2001, whose development is being tracked by the study.
She found that children who are exposed to any kind of formal childcare are at an advantage in all aspects of development by the end of their first year at school.
My first thought was another study making me choose which side of the fence I’m on. Vindication for some parents and sadness and failure for the other side. Again as parents and mothers in particular we feel like we’re in the playground listening in and realising we don’t do any of those things. We feel like we’ve failed our child so young.
Instead of being paralyzed by our fears. Let’s face it we make mistakes all the time and make better choices all the time. There is something about parenting that makes us so unforgiving of ourselves and others. So many people feel judged by their parenting style or actions. Where is the discussion about how we do things with each other?
The article goes on to state that maternal education was a significant factor of all outcomes. What we decide to do matters! The article makes the case that reading to your child everyday and sending them to a formalised childcare setting before they are 5 will help reduce the gap in attainment once they are all in school.
We can have many reactions to that piece but will you do something for your family and your child? Do you recognise that you’re great in some areas and not in others and would you seek others to do this for you? Personally, I had a long struggle with that one. Do I think I can do it all! No I know I can’t but I still think I know what’s in the best interests for my children.
Build up a network of friends that challenge and support you. Be wary of those that zap your energy and bring drama, too much drama to your life. Hold close those that challenge you to do better and question what you do seems strange in a friendship to some but how do you change if not by being prompted and shown. How many of your friends do you look up to? Who challenges you and asks questions that leave you thinking? How many are happy with their status quo and who isn’t and not doing anything about it either?Keep an eye on your friendships to keep the right balance around you.
Read widely. Non fiction books are not for someone else. Fiction isn’t just for children. Wherever you live and whatever your circumstance reading lifts the mind and changes your attitude and direction in life. Audio books, newspapers, foreign correspondents documentaries show you things you may never experience and most importantly give you a perspective on your life.
Quit feeling that everyone is judging you for your choices. We all start from somewhere. Choose to see the other perspective, hold your tongue at times, be around people that share your views but keep in touch with those that don’t. Above all don’t take things so personally.
Take out the good.
For that article , for me, it was that I need, whatever my background, to set up good reading habits with my child. Not worry about what I haven’t done but decide today how I can do this. Maybe you realised you’re not as playful as you thought you would be as a parent or not as patient.
What we do next is the important thing. … if this study says one thing to me it is that maternal influence is very important.What we do, say and how we guide and lead our families
Our mother’s attitude will colour our families attitude, thoughts and behaviours.
What helps you make the right choices for your family?
We were walking and talking. As we got home I was happy to show the book but really couldn’t give up my dog eared copy. I was wondering if we could make a virtual parenting play list……..what books have you read that you feel every parent should read?
Since this is a blog about play books that are play related would be great but parenting books in general are fine.
Contest
What parenting book is your Top 3 must read list? It touched you in someway and you talk about it all the time or would recommend it?
Leave the book title ( and author if you know it) in the comments. If you can share a little bit about the book that would be great but optional.
For an additional entry
Tweet: @playactivities My must read parenting book ” add your title”
Contest is open to Canada, US and Europe. Is there an Amazon in Australia? Void where prohibited.
Contest is open today, Monday 15 February and closes Midnight Sunday 21st February 2010 MST.
Winner is chosen by random.org.
Winner is contacted via email left in the comments. It’s automatically captured once you enter it once in the second box. ( name, email, comment)
Winner must reply with postal address within 48hrs otherwise a new winner will be chosen.
Looking forward to your entries……………………..
(Disclosure: I will be buying and sending the book. )
Raising Playful Tots is an Internet radio or Podcast available 24hrs a day . Host: Melitsa Avila of Play Activities. Download each episode yourself visit each show notes to do this or have iTunes do this automatically for you.
Week 7th Feb 2010: There are no mistakes in Art! Help! You want to try Art but oh not really…. MaryLea of pinkandgreenmama.blogspot.com shares her inspirational art ideas for the little ones and shares some practical ways to try Art suitable for all levels and stages. Listen to the show .
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